101 reasons why Skinny Puppy fan[atic]s are unpopular
1/ They refuse to accept that most people have never even heard of Skinny Puppy.
2/ They refuse to accept that plenty of people who have heard of Skinny Puppy don’t like them.
3/ They refuse to accept that plenty of people who have heard of Skinny Puppy not only don’t like them, but think they’re shit.
4/ They think Marilyn Manson is a rip-off, the devil (not in a good way) and akin to Britney Spears in the musical talent and originality stakes.
5/ They think Trent Reznor is no more than a dirty thief.
6/ They think Front Line Assembly are sell outs.
7/ They have screen names such as ‘ice cream eyes’ and ‘urban needle’ which no one else understands.
8/ They also like Throbbing Gristle, Einsturzende Neubauten, SPK and various other noisy shit like that.
9/ They think Throbbing Gristle, Einsturzende Neubauten, SPK, etc are good influences.
10/ They refuse to accept that plenty of people find Ogre’s vocal style bloody irritating.
11/ They refuse to accept that Ogre is not god.
12/ They refuse to accept that Nivek Ogre is not a name that most English teachers recognise and as such his lyrics cannot be studied in poetry classes.
13/ They dispute the claim that Skinny Puppy are industrial but refuse to put any other label on them because ”genius cannot be pinned down in a few mere words”.
Except that…
14/ They think that ‘Brap’ should be an official genre name of which Skinny Puppy is the only acceptable band (whereas most people would think that the B in brap is a typo and should be replaced with a C).
15/ They think that June 12th and August 23rd should be internationally recognised days of mourning and are campaigning for these dates to be officially listed as such.
16/ They dress in black on June 12th and August 23rd.
17/ They dress in black on every other day too.
18/ People think they’re goths.
19/ People think they’re goths and therefore Marilyn Manson fans.
20/ People who think that Skinny Puppy fan[atic]s are goths and/or Marilyn Manson fans tend to wake up in hospital with severe concussion and ‘Skinny Puppy rules’ written on their forehead.
21/ They’re likely candidates for the culprits of the firebombing of the cars/homes of bosses of companies who practice vivisection.
22/ They use TFWO as an abbreviation in online forums and no one else knows what it means.
23/ They use ‘weirded’ as a real word.
24/ They have a tendency to draw the Skinny Puppy logo on every piece of paper, table, flat surface, person, etc they come into contact with instead of doing work, writing down lecture notes, etc.
25/ They call their pets Ogre, Cevin or Dwayne.
26/ They call themselves Ogre, Cevin or Dwayne (whether male or female).
27/ If they have more than 3 pets, the other pets end up being given names from obscure passages of Skinny Puppy lyrics, much to the bemusement of the fan[atic]’s parents, the vet, etc
28/ They would willingly sell their grandmother to get their hands on an original copy of ‘Back & Forth’.
29/ They actually *did* sell their grandmother to get their hands on an original copy of ‘Back & Forth’.
30/ And their little brother too…
31/ They look forward to the day when science will eradicate the need for sleep so they can listen to Skinny Puppy 24/7.
32/ Until that day, they still play Skinny Puppy while they are asleep.
33/ And on the bus.
34/ And in school/college/work.
35/ And whilst eating.
36/ And whilst doing every other activity.
37/ They want ‘Smothered Hope’ played at their funeral.
38/ They played ‘Testure’ at their granddad’s funeral.
39/ They try to convert all their non Skinny Puppy liking friends into fans. At gunpoint if necessary.
40/ They have a tendency to randomly quote lines from Skinny Puppy songs in totally unrelated conversations.
41/ They constantly phone their local radio station and demand that they play some Skinny Puppy. No, not having any Skinny Puppy is not good enough. Never having heard of Skinny Puppy is not good enough. No, motherf***ing Britney f***ing Spears will not do instead.
42/ They don’t understand why the average Britney Spears fan wouldn’t want to watch a music video that also happens to be an anti-vivisection film and refuse to give up their campaign to get MTV to show it.
43/ They see nothing wrong in a guy wandering up and down onstage, covered in blood and animal entrails and smashing skulls over his head.
44/ They take criticism of the band as personal insults.
45/ They take criticism of the band as personal insults, and threaten to hunt down and beat up the person who criticised them.
46/ They take criticism of the band as personal insults, and actually *do* hunt down and beat up the person who criticised them.
47/ They want to name their first child Nivek Cevin Dwayne, even if it’s a girl.
48/ They want to name their second child Rave.
49/ They go into high street record stores and ask if they have any Skinny Puppy, knowing full well if it’s not by Britney Spears or Linkin Park, they won’t stock it, just to wind up and confuse the assistants.
50/ They want to kill Bryan Adams, Nickelback, etc for bringing Canadian bands into disrepute.
51/ They will put the same Skinny Puppy album on repeat for 10 hours at a time.
52/ They send hatemail, death threats and mailbombs to any magazine, website, etc which suggests that Ministry were the most pioneering industrial band ever (or even worse, that NIN are) and then make everyone boycott the magazine/website/whatever.
53/ They look forward to the day that gene therapy will be able to cure Marilyn Manson fans.
54/ Until then, they satisfy themselves with kicking the shit out of Marilyn Manson fans.
55/ Their contempt for bands such as Gravity Kills, Filter, Stabbing Westward, etc knows no limits.
56/ Their contempt for fans of bands such as Gravity Kills, Filter, Stabbing Westward, etc also knows no limits.
57/ They own a dog and nickname it Skinny Puppy, even if the dog is the fattest known to mankind and 12 years old.
58/ They own 50 Beagles. No, it’s purely coincidental that the Beagle farm that supplies the vivisection laboratory with its animals was broken into last week and all the dogs were stolen.
59/ They also own 3,000 rabbits, rats and guinea pigs and the odd ape. Again, it’s purely coincidental that the animal breeding facility which supplied rabbits, rats, guinea pigs and apes to the vivisection laboratory was also broken into last week and all the animals were stolen.
60/ They understand and like to repeatedly point out (to friends, family, passers by, the government, whoever) the irony of Skinny Puppy being arrested because of an incident stemming from the mistaken belief that they were dissecting a dog for entertainment purposes, when the same procedures are carried out perfectly legally hundreds of times over on real animals, in the same country and no one bats an eyelid.
61/ They themselves would have no qualms about performing these procedures on lesser mortals however (i.e. Marilyn Manson fans, ravers, the morons who give Skinny Puppy albums bad reviews on influential music websites, etc)
62/ They refuse to let anyone listen to Pretty Hate Machine in peace and give anyone who tries a half hour lecture on how NIN ripped off Skinny Puppy, complete with soundclips to prove their point.
63/ They think it might be cool to be infected with rabies, just so they can say they have rabies and mean it in more than one way.
64/ Even after hours of explanations, diagrams and helpful video learning guides, they still can’t understand why more people would sooner listen to Britney Spears, Limp Bizkit and Sum 41 than Skinny Puppy.
65/ People think they’re Satanists because they have a poster of a guy covered in blood on the back of their bedroom door.
66/ People also think they’re Satanists because one of their favourite albums has the number 666 in its title in Roman numerals.
67/ Skinny Puppy newcomers ask them for a couple of song recommendations to try out and they reply by telling them to buy the complete discography.
68/ Taking a few of their favourite CDs to listen to whilst going out for the day, on holiday, etc means they lug at least 25 Skinny Puppy CDs around with them.
69/ Younger Skinny Puppy fan[atic]s hate their parents for giving birth to them too late in the 1980s to get into Skinny Puppy right from the very start.
70/ They hate their mother for not playing Skinny Puppy to them whilst they were in the womb (9 months of prime Skinny Puppy listening time wasted).
71/ If she did play Skinny Puppy to them whilst they were in the womb, she didn’t turn it up loud enough.
72/ They take the advice in the cover notes of the Vivisect VI CD of ‘play this music loud or not at all’ a little too literally.
73/ They miss the 1980s (even the hairstyles).
74/ They get pissed off with and punch people who misspell Cevin with a K.
75/ They refuse to believe the claims by campaigners that marijuana is bad.
76/ Their understanding of ‘mellow’ when asked to play a mellow song results in them putting on ‘Killing Game’.
77/ They think the ‘Far Too Frail’ video is funny.
78/ They think Lee Chubby King’s ‘Yo Pusface’ is hilarious.
79/ They hate hip hop because they think it ripped off ‘Dig it’.
80/ They hate popular dance music for giving electronic music a bad name.
81/ They/their parents/partner/lover/whoever had to build an extension on the back of their house to accommodate their collection of 500+ Skinny Puppy and Skinny Puppy related CDs, vinyl, items of merchandise, etc.
82/ They/their parents/partner/lover/whoever (or all of them) had to re-mortgage their house to pay for their collection of 500+ Skinny Puppy and Skinny Puppy related CDs, vinyl, items of merchandise, etc.
83/ When asked how they feel, they reply ‘sorry I’m f***ed up inside’ or ‘self abusive recluse too late for me’ or – perhaps most disturbingly – ‘deaths the only thrill’.
84/ They accost Christians in the street and inform them that worshipping Skinny Puppy is the only religion that counts.
85/ They are campaigning to get ‘Dogshit’ instated as the national anthem.
86/ They know that Skinny Puppy condemned Iraq and its use of chemical weapons long before it became ‘fashionable’ for the Western world to do so, back when the Western world still considered Iraq to be an ally.
87/ They are lobbying their local TV station to get the morning news read in the style of ‘VX Gas Attack’.
88/ If they see NIN’s ‘Down in it’ video on TV they start screaming ‘Rip off!’ at the screen until someone forcibly restrains them.
89/ They make their friends and family watch videos of obscure films just because someone told them that ”one of the characters in the background in one of the scenes somewhere *might* have been wearing a Skinny Puppy t shirt”.
90/ They turn their nose up at any band that doesn’t claim Skinny Puppy as an influence, or wasn’t claimed as an influence by Skinny Puppy.
91/ They also turn their nose up at any band that claims Skinny Puppy as an influence, and sounds exactly like them.
92/ They secretly want to be in a band that sounds exactly like Skinny Puppy.
93/ They harass science teachers, nerdy kids who look as if they might know something about science, etc to try to get them to invent time travel so that they can go back and watch Skinny Puppy performing in the ‘good old days’ again and again.
94/ They can give an alphabetically ordered list of every Skinny Puppy track ever released, recorded or demoed (including the b sides and remixes), plus dates of release and re-release, formats available, guest artists, etc, whether this information is asked for or not.
95/ They dream of Skinny Puppy becoming the most famous and popular band in the world, but if this were to happen they would then worry that Skinny Puppy had been adopted by ‘trendies’ who really are not even fit to lick the dirt from the band’s boots and so would then want them to be relatively unknown again.
96/ They buy Skinny Puppy CDs as presents for their Skinny Puppy hating friends and relatives’ birthdays and Christmases, every year, just to boost Skinny Puppy’s record sales.
97/ Instead of remembering the old motto that ”it’s the thought that counts” and acting graciously, when their 90 year old Granny gives them a CD by ‘that Marilyn Manson, because I know you like that kind of music’ (along with a woolly jumper that she spent the past 6 months knitting) for their Christmas present, they punch her in the face and storm out of the room.
98/ They will divorce/disown any family members – no matter how closely tied to them they are – who call Skinny Puppy ‘crap’ or ‘talentless’ or refer to them as making music which sounds like either ‘the theme tune from Knight Rider’ or ‘shite 80s techno’.
99/ They quiz all potential friends or lovers on their knowledge of the life, works and influence of Skinny Puppy before deciding whether to continue with the friendship/relationship.
100/ They force everyone to watch films sampled by Skinny Puppy, and never shut up if they come across a sample used by the band when they’re watching a movie. (this one thought up by Johan)
101/ They’re convinced that the world is a shit and screwed up place to live and that humans will soon bring about the end of the world (or nature will have its revenge – either is a possibility) and we’ll all die, but they don’t care as long as they can be listening to Skinny Puppy as they die
DISCLAIMER: I love Skinny Puppy and I am a big fan of their music. I didnt write this list and I dont know who did it. I found this list on tze internets. If you dont see the humor and the funny shit in this list please fuck off and whine somewhere else.
stoppa matchen 
Nummer 67 är bäst.
Fan kunde stämt in på mig, dock med Summoning istället för Skinny Puppy =P
I think it’s only a matter of time before Britney runs over a photographer and kills ‘em. What happened to that sweet old Britney we used to know and love?
I like NIN and Skinny Puppy. And just because I am a Skinny Puppy fan, I don’t think Down in it was a rip off, I think it was just Trent’s interpretion of a great song by his favourite band.
I have a cat called Smokey and I had a Hamster called Filthy but it died. I don’t think that’s funny and I also wouldn’t sell my Nan for any SP CD other than The Process because that’s well expensive on Amazon.
And the only posters I have on my walls are of Rammstein and NIN, I hate blood.
So inconclusion most of these 100 reason things are untrue for me, if you don’t like this music then that’s fair enough, to be honest I can understand why. But then again it was a good read and quite funny. I didn’t realise that so many people think Down in it is a rip off and that you stupid people sit down all night and day making up stupid things about loyal fans.
You people need to get a life or just a decent job. Not unless your happy being losers.
Yeah. Down in it is a ripoff.
Wow!
Someone must have a perpetual hate for this band.
But Skinny Puppy isn’t too bad.
They have some really well produced music.
If you have the time and actually dedicate it to writing a diatribe such as this, complaining about others is the last thing you are in a position to do. Best of luck to you…you’ll need it.
At first, I was pissed, but a few of those certainly apply to me:
4. 5. 8.9.
55. & 56.
I’ve done all of these.
As a SP fan this is hilarious
omfg, jag är också ett fan av skinny puppy. Tycker det finns mest sanning i 4, 5 och 18. LOL @ 83, 84, 73, 53, 31-38 och 51! De är bäst och jag passar bra in med dem :D:D:D
Someone has waay too much time on their hands to come up with 101 reaons.
they don’t only sample movies – what about the songs by Skinny Puppy where they sample the Beatles? ”Helter Skelter” and ”Revolution 9,” for instance.
go vote george bush. i´ll give anyone who pisses on your grave $5. mail me if ready.
What is this douche?? an angry NIN/Manson fan or just a sellout mainstream Brit fan. Either way i like all industrial, KMFDM, , Foetus, SP. All these bands are equally good. I would try to get a friend into KMFDM or Feotus before anything. I guess your just angry cause you don’t get SP and your friends do right?? You clearly stated it in many of your ”flawed” reasons lol
I used to be infatuated with Skinny Puppy in my early years of HS, and reading this made me rofl pretty hard. Don’t take this so personally people; this is hilarious.
Thank you for making my day.
That list was GOLD, Good job guys! I found your page because I was looking for a good pic to put up on my facebook status since I’m going to see SP do a show tonight!! so excited!!!! oh and I like NIN and Marilyn Manson so
you should add another to your list as number 102- skinny puppy fans secretly love marilyn manson and NIN and know all the words from NIN ”with teeth” album.
meh, they were good but FLA are better IMHO. Only a freak of nature would consider FLA sell-outs
I’ve been a huge fan of Marilyn Manson for a few years. I’m not gothic, by the way, in case some people assume so. I recently heard Skinny Puppy’s music for the first time and I really like it. Anyway, I was reading The Long Hard Road Out of Hell, MM’s autobiography, in which he actually mentions that he used to get his co-workers at a music store to steal music for him. And believe it or not, he said that Skinny Puppy was what he usually asked to be stolen for him.
How ‘bout them apples.
i like skinny puppy and i like early front line, buti think both their last couple albums have sucked.
i also like SPK and TG, they paved the road for an endless amount of groups
i also think you’re stupid to generalize everyone into one group
your thoughts are your own, but some of you take this so personaly! im a big SP fan, and i cant stop laughing whenever i read it. this shit is pure gold! dont take it as a personal insult, like #44!
1st off i agree with infinity… the new albums do suck, but i think thats because they got off heroin. Most bands start to suck when they sober up, fact of life.
That being said…. #101 should include LSD
Skinny Puppy was dead to me after the unfortuitous passing of the talented and very charming Dwayne Rudolph Goettel. All I can say about their new releases is that they seem to be a rather transparent attempt to capitalize on a name that once meant something, in order to support their rather infamous drug and analog keyboard habits. In other words, it’s evident that they’re raping the name of one of the most important acts in the history of electronic music in order to insure their future financial security – I mean could there be a more overt or insulting “f*** you” to their long-term, hard-core fans than dubbing a tour “In Solvent See” (e.g. insolvency – they’re broke and need money)?
They seem to be catering to a younger audience now, with a limited educational background and a low threshold for experimentation (remember when Ogre mentioned he wasn’t intending to use words over three syllables any longer) – what this audience does seem to have, and in spades, is money to throw around on total rubbish. “Jesus Wants Me To Be Ugly”? F*** that sh*t – My wife, who is actually more addicted to industrial music than myself, actually shed tears during the initial run of their last LP. Quite taken aback I asked, “are you crying?” To which she rebuffed (and I paraphrase) – “it’s over – this can’t even be recognized as Skinny Puppy, let alone entertainment”. So in other words, f*** you too you mercantile bastards; it will be a cold day in hell before I buy another SP LP…(that includes all the cheap, creepy sub-con “vault” cash-ins too)…
Underbar lista!
I think a lot of you aren’t getting the joke here. This is hilarious because it’s 90% true. As a Skinny Puppy fan since 1988 I should know. Lighten the fuck up, it’s a JOKE.
LOL I love this and because some of it is true and applies to me xD
I bet your a skinny puppy fan as well……. brap on….
I had to, after evaluating my values of why I love the music i love, (not just like) come to the conclusion that SP was indeed my favorite band. Which was difficult because i felt like i was betraying many other parts of myself simultainiously. But when I came acrossed this I lauphed, hard, and enjoyed it. because most People who enjoy music in the same vein as SP do laugh hard and enjoy this kind of stuph. The guys in, and friends o,f SP, i think, would lauph aswell. From what ive seen they seem pretty laid back and positive (and high) and just seem to get off on enjoying the amazing experiences that they have had. I dont really see them as any different than a horrer movie director: they dont have to hold up any crazy media standards(even manson held himself to some degree of sucsess standards), they can do what they want, and its probably a shit ton of fun, getting paid to travel without having to be stuck in a rainforest with a camera for a month, fake guts, stage props, lights n junk, the MORE NOISE YOU MAKE THE MORE FANS LOVE IT! And since this list is about fans and not really about skinny puppy, i shouldnt neglect to say that im pretty diverse in my music tastes, and i can honestly say that you could apply this list to any band given that you swap out some of the band spesific particulairs like band member names and song titles. Go ahade try with nickleback, or Massive Attack. I refuse to capitalize nickleback, after all, im a Skinny Puppy fan.
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Yey!
So fucking true and so fucking funny !
”too f… too f… too far gone”
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this website and be updated with the most up-to-date news posted here.
Nunu= Not a true fan. Down in it was a total rip off!! The guy finally admitted it years later! The guy even hates when people say he’s industrial. I would have totally sold my grandparents for a freaking SP cd!! I love SP THAT much! I’d accost Christians any day and tell them that SP is the only religion!!
People who don’t get the joke/irony, are the popular-NIN lovers that say they ”like” SP to be cool
The only one that doesn’t apply to me is #6 FLA a sell out- naahhh I like them!
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frontline assembly sucks
It’s kinda depressing how many people are butthurt over this list. It’s pretty apparent that whoever wrote this is a fan (I mean, they obviously have a pretty good knowledge of the band), and obviously joking. A lot of these things are hilariously true – I myself do some of these things (even if in some cases, this is done with tongue planted firmly in cheek).
Also awesomely (especially, I’d imagine to the people who wrote and posted this) cEvin Key actually posted a link to this article on his Facebook wall haha – That’s how I found my way here. He seemed to think this was funny himself. So there haha
The whole NIN thing is silly. He borrowed from one song–so what? Skinny Puppy borrowed HEAVILY from Cabaret Voltaire (listen to ”Testure,” and then listen to CV’s ”Crackdown”) and, on MTPI, Mantronix (listen to ”Stairs and Flowers” and then listen to Mantronix’s ”Bassline”). I think Skinny Puppy’s old stuff was way more interesting than most of NIN’s music, but you can’t hate on Trent Reznor for riffing on SP when SP did the same thing.
Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was once a entertainment account it.
Look complex to more introduced agreeable from you! By the way, how could we keep in touch?
[…] “QUELLE” […]
you are a fascist not because you dislike skinny puppy but because you devoted an article about dislkiing them
I am a 23 year fan and this is ALL true. So f___in funny. Made my day
Var 16-17 när jag var totalt Skinny-freak, men håller med om alla utom kanske ett par av dessa orsaker än idag 37 bast, (fast på ett mkt mer ödmjukt sätt…) Haha, skitbra!
So many of these reasons applied to me as a kid in HS, I fucking loved Skinny Puppy, and yes killing game was easy listening for me back then. Pissed my self with laughter when I read this list.industrial is awesome. But there’s a lot of good music in this world. And a lot of shit too. And I’m now way to fucking old to give a crap what anyone listens too. I think it would be pretty fucking tragic to say that at the age of 33 my taste in music defines my personality or the people I choose to socialise with.
It made for good reading though. Nice one.
hahah Lol. I’m with you, though I’m 46, High School for me was the Mind, Bites, ViViSect Era.
”tragic to say the people I choose to socialise with depends on their music choices”
also agree, but my wife thinks I’m joking when I say ”I’m going to divorce you if you don’t knock off with that feckin country music”
I feel like this is written by an 18 year old in a 30 year old’s body.
Hey the some where else link is pretty awesome. Good job on finding the list
Too Dark Park, best album IMO.
[…] A bientôt ! […]
My grandmother (bless her, RIP) said that Skinny Puppy sounded like the Witches’ Sabbath.
Worked for me.
Also, I’m going to name my next cat Dwayne. (Which will undoubtedly go over like a lead zeppelin with my wife)
Hey, I have just come across this page :) I have been listening to SP for many years now, but I dont understand 15th point. I know that August 23rd is Dwayne’s death anniversary, but what is that other date, June 12th ?
I couldnt find any information about it.